A Solo Personal Retreat
Doing this LIFE Project has sent me on a month of travels spanning 14 states (many of which we could only drove through on the way to other destinations) and most recently, to Mountain Light Sanctuary about an hour away from me.
I had no goals for the retreat, other than to spend some time each day writing (both journaling and novel-writing) and getting out into the wilderness.
The rest of the time, I just sort of “felt” my way into it.
If I was moved to meditate, I did, and if I was moved to draw or take photos, I did that, too.
Sometimes I read, and sometimes I just sat there and stared at the flittering leaves and bending trees, listening for the sounds of nature and beyond, to reach my ears.
We don’t do this enough in our daily lives. Even if part of this retreat was for my work, taking the time to do what felt right at that particular moment is a powerful thing to do.
I intentionally went solo. I went on a personal retreat last year and derived so much joy and benefit from it, that I decided to do the same this year. I might have to make this an annual adventure. Always to someplace new – I feel like that makes you a little more observant and a “student” again – and always a place that is known for being a meditative, calm space.
I allowed technology, insofar as it meshing with work and the occasional foray down to the lodge to get a wireless signal – the only one for miles and miles.
The sanctuary was pretty remote. It was nestled in the forest at least 5 miles from the smallest town. That smallest town had a gas station and a church. Then it was another 15-20 miles to the city.
A Short List of the Benefits of a Personal Retreat
But, what is it about doing a personal retreat that is so powerful? Thinking back to my own experiences, I have come up with the following:
- It puts you in a mindful state.
- You appreciate the solitude and quiet.
- You’re out of your comfort zone, meaning your senses are heightened. This makes for lots of learning and investigating this new world in which you find yourself.
- You meet new and different people.
- You become resourceful.
- It makes you get to know yourself because you are your only company most of the time.
- You can make your own schedule, or just wing it and do what feels right.
- Toward the end, you come to appreciate friends, partners and loved ones so much more.
- Life instantly gets simpler…and more complicated.
- You can have a moment of catharsis.
All these things happened to me in the course of the retreat. Take a look at these photos:
Seeing the garden of the four directions, offset by a gong used to announce any classes, I felt a sense of balance taking this in.
With the gong in the background, the foreground is the quartz garden, in which a quartz obelisk sits at its center.
Just up from the sanctuary was Staire Creek Trail. These little waterfalls were down from what they call the “Elf Poole.” The surrounding water made me feel like I was in a higher energy frequency.
If you are not moved to mindfulness by this, then I’m not sure what else will do it for you. Listening to the running water fizzing and bubbling compelled me to take photo after photo because Mother Nature felt like showing off just because I was there.
Quiet hikes alone invited more contemplation and a little of “let’s see what you’ve got, Cynthia.” It’s quite the experience to go off by yourself and rely on your own resourcefulness should any issues arise.
For this photo, I just about fell in the watering hole behind it. I was climbing over a rock, thought I saw a big, dead spider (I know, I know…how unmindful of me), and hesitated enough to lose my balance and plunk my left foot deep enough that my shorts got wet. It was worth it though:
This sweet little waterfall was worth the watery sacrifice I made…
…because there were also smaller waterfalls near the bigger one and such peaceful reveries to be had.
Nature and Solitude
This was after I hiked nearly 4 miles and got to about 16,000 steps on my pedometer. What a sweet reward.
And, the solitude. I might be an introvert, and I know I still need a certain amount of people interaction in the course of a day. But when you know that you might not see another soul for miles, it makes you wonder what you’re capable of. What if I saw a bear? What if I twisted my ankle? What if…?
I intentionally pushed any thoughts of fear – especially being a gal – aside and enjoyed the moment. I enjoyed the solitude and put my trust in Source to make sure I made my way back.
…and it was a risk. I’m not going to lie. I looked at a hand-drawn map inside the lodge before I left and saw “4.4 miles if you walk Walker Creek Trail to Forest Road 87 back to Staire Creek Trail.”
Trust
I didn’t take a photo of that hand-drawn map because I thought I was going to do another trail before deciding on this one. That and the hand-drawn map was pretty much a triangle that gave the mileage.
This was another experience where I put my trust in Source Energy and envisioned myself doing the whole thing safely. All I knew was that the triangle formed by doing all three trails was 4.4 miles long.
I set my stopwatch on my pedometer and figured, mathematically (I can’t believe I just said that) that roughly Walker Creek Trail would be between 1.5 to 2 miles long, and the ridge top might be around that, and Staire Creek would be about that, too.
I had walked Staire Creek the day before (to go to these awesome caverns and leaning rock – more on that below), so I knew that it was at least 1.5 miles long.
I headed up the mountain. I had no idea quite where I’d end up, if there was anything to see, or how long this all would take. Walker Creek Trail was first and it was STEEP.
Why is it that photos never capture the true depth and steepness of a mountain? It doesn’t look steep at all here, but there’s a whole mountain beneath the part of the trail that you see here.
Here, I experienced trust. Trust in myself, but also trusting that The Universe would get me to where I was going. The trail was endlessly steep. It went on that way for nearly two miles. There were a couple moments where I thought, really? Will this end?
But it did, and I got to the road on the ridge of a huge mountain. All I know is that it was Forest Road 87 and that I was supposed to get to Staire Creek Trail eventually. I didn’t know if the trail was marked. I didn’t know how long – really how long – this was or how long it would take. But I had faith.
Good stuff. Quite the trail. And I was psyched I did the whole thing.
Scenery Conducive to Creativity
The scenery was so conducive to writing that it’s hard to capture the brilliant colors and Middle Earth-esque landscape and do it justice. From hundreds of black butterflies, to banana patch huts, to bamboo forests, one’s imagination could conjure up so many scenarios for fun little stories:
Coneflowers near the council chairs in the quartz garden.
Hundreds of butterflies congregate on the property. The owner said it’s because little elves sprinkle magic fairy dust. I’m serious – he said that to another guest and I overheard it. I loved that answer.
One of the walking paths to get to the main part of the property.
Two of the five banana patch houses where one could stay.
A bamboo-laden path leading to one of the shelters that you can stay in.
I realize I probably sound like an advertisement for Mountain Light. It’s not that it’s an advertisement, I swear. It’s that when you find a place that is as special as this is, one’s gotta share.
Life certainly was simpler here. I felt like I was transported to another era, in a time before modern life became “the norm.” I elected to camp because I wanted to be able to cook my own meals, and have more privacy than even staying in one of these shelters afforded – they were pretty much the same price, but I knew I wanted a fair amount of solitude.
So, up near the Rivendell shelter (yes, there was a Lord of the Rings theme throughout the whole sanctuary), was a camping area where I set up shop.
Had the tent, camp table, comfy chair, and all my tools for a self-sustaining stay.
Given that I have some measure of social anxiety (as much as I love people, I am also a little freaked out by navigating relationships, especially when it comes to other personalities who don’t get the oft-misunderstood INFP), I knew that if I was off by myself and was able to utilize my own things (instead of the shared kitchen in the lodge), that I would be more comfortable.
See? You get to know yourself and what you’re comfortable with on trips like this. Because I had done these before, I knew that I liked my tent and my own “station.”
I know you’re probably thinking, “comfort zone, Cynthia, comfort zone.” Staying in the lodge itself would have put me out of my comfort zone even more, but in a way that I don’t think would have been as beneficial.
I mean, does anyone have to know that I jump up and down and say my daily affirmations aloud? Or that I might read a passage of literature out loud to see how it sounds?
But, a few more photos before I get into the highlight (well, the epiphany) of my retreat.
More butterflies congregating near the lodge. If you know anything about butterfly symbolism, they represent metamorphosis and transition. They also symbolize resurrection, hope, endurance, lightness and freedom. I was meant to see these delicate friends and ponder what it meant.
The view from my tent. It looked like Middle Earth. There’s even a “Gypsy Wagon” to the right. The only evidence of modernity here is the tiny solar cell attached to the wagon to give it a little electricity. And, I’m not sure if this was real or a vision (does it matter?), but the last morning I was there, I saw a man who looked like a wizard walking up the lane on the other side of the fence (which is tiny in this photo). He had dark brown robes on, and a walking stick taller than he was. His hair was white, long, and stringy. At one point, he turned at looked directly at me staring at him from inside my tent. He then turned and continued to walk. I never saw him again, and I walked all over the property that morning as I got ready to leave.
The Divine Feminine shrine on the property. You could tell, despite the owner being a male, that were was a health amount of feminine energy all over. This was refreshing, given that the modern world has too much masculine energy. Balance is good.
Flags representing the merging of all religions, creeds and paths – coexisting with respect and peace.
Peace flags
The lodge where there’s a shared kitchen, a common area, and the “Haiku Cafe.” They were kind enough to provide an electronics charging station and wi-fi access.
I was sitting in the Haiku Cafe the first evening I was there when a little black bear came up. He walked right into the cafe! My phone was charging and by the time I reached it to take a photo, I only got the back end of the bear. It’s not a great photo as I had to take it in low light and hastily…
Another photo of the bear. I followed him into the garden, while keeping a safe distance. I wasn’t nervous about him until I got back to my camp spot and he’d overturned my bin with cooking utensils inside! There wasn’t any food, but I know it smelled like food. Admittedly, that first night, I could only sleep lightly, wondering if I was going to have to scare off a bear from trying to come to the tent! The owner did say I would be fine as long as there was no food in my tent and everything else was in my car. I gallantly heeded his words.
These cliffs were along Staire Creek Trail. They were probably about 40 feet tall…or something like that. But, I definitely felt very tiny looking up at them….
These caverns were just off Staire Creek Trail. I had wondered what sorts of Native American Indians had graced this area and if they used them as some sort of gathering space or shelter.
A view looking out from the caverns. Evidence of recent human activity was present, especially with the fire ring. Humans will make their fires, won’t they?
These little waterfalls were near the Elf Poole, as folks at the sanctuary called it. But, the pool was more difficult to get to. Carrying pieces of technology and already having nearly fallen in, I settled (if you can call it settling) for these beauties.
The “weak bridge” that I had to cross to get to my campspot. Admittedly, I had to take a deep breath and close my eyes to cross – nevermind that I saw other cars that had already crossed. Some folks didn’t cross, though. They parked .25 miles away and walked in.
The “rain shower” at the sanctuary. Most people showered here. I almost didn’t, because, you know…social anxiety and why would I go and do what everyone else was doing? But one of the awesome volunteers at the sanctuary said, “you need to treat yourself to that shower. I promise.” With a little gentle nudging, she convinced me and oh, it was an experience! Whoever built it, harnessed water from the nearby spring into a solar powered hot water heater. In the shower itself, there was no shower head. Instead, there was a metal plate coming out from the ceiling, that was either 12″x12″ in area or 14″x14″. Either way, when you turned it on, because the water came from the top l
An Epiphany
You can see through the pictures and videos just how spectacular this place was. Between all the creativity I was feeling and the meditation I was doing, I had an “a-ha” moment.
Up until this month, I was thinking I’d get my meditation teaching certification. That I’d teach it – because I do have a teaching heart, too – and perhaps lead retreats and write books on that or something.
Turns out, that is not in the cards for me. At least not now. (Though it happened in August 2018! I had written this in the summer of 2017.)
Before I share about this epiphany, I want to say that I journaled – a lot – about this experience. I have decided that at the end of the month, I will begin editing and when I’m finished, I will publish the journal of these sacred travels here on this website – for free. I figure if this sort of thing can inspire others to live life at their personal best, then I have begun to change the world.
In any case, I woke up on the second morning I was on my retreat and began to journal. It was while I was writing that I felt a shift in my energy. I was in the flow. I can’t quite explain it.
But somewhere between realizing that I have at least half a dozen – probably many more; I’ve lost count, actually – novels that have 20K words, others with 40K words, others with nearly 60K words, plus poems, short stories, journal entries, blogs on over half a dozen now-defunct websites, I was born to be a writer. Whatever that looked like.
I’d never given myself permission to fully explore this identity.
A writing identity
I realized I’d always dabbled in it, and then withdrew back into my comfort zone. Like someone who dips their toes into the stream, but doesn’t commit to throwing themself in, and stays on the riverbank, never to fully experience the glorious splashing water of Nature over their body and benefit from the cleansing that comes with it.
This analogy is perfect because although I love listening to water and being near it, I do not like to swim in it.
The comfort zone is an illusion, y’all. It’s the ego talking to keep us from reaching our full potential in the name of relative safety.
This concept was driven home when I was reading my book of the month, “You’re a Badass” by Jen Sincero. There was a whole passage in that book that I’d read the night before about, “you don’t get to stay in your comfort zone. You have to DECIDE to go for it and then let NOTHING stop you.”
Before, I’ve let the practicalities of “but I studied education and I’ve invested a lot of money in it” hold me back. Or that “I’m supposed to take the practical route. It seems ludicrous to risk it all for a dream.”
I had not yet decided. I have not ever committed to a life of creativity. I was and have been wishy-washy. Given into ego. Retreated from my dream as soon as I hit an obstacle.
Those obstacles are there to test our resolve. I know this now. It’s ego rising up to take us back to the Comfort Zone where life is easier (in terms of going with what’s familiar) and less scary.
Trust (again)
If I am ever to realize the life I want for myself – one that gives me time freedom, schedule freedom, the means to see and take care of my aging parents, the means to have great health insurance, and to fix up my house responsibly (and go all solar and green) just the way I want it, to donate to worthy causes in my community and beyond, and to become a philanthropist – I have to jump.
I’ve only ever stood at the edge of the proverbial cliff and demanded a parachute, got all suited up to jump, only to walk back down the trail the way I came.
Friday, July 21, 2017, I decided. I decided that I am a writer and a creative (because art has to be a part of this, too). I am taking this decision and amending the LIFE Project intentions for August and I will become a publishing machine.
I have a published novel that saw a few sales and then…languished. I have another novel that just needs to be formatted for publishing. These were supposed to be under another pen name. But, both have elements of the supernatural, which is something all my novels have. All of them. All the ones that I’ve started and stopped, too.
This means I’m going to publish them under my Sageleaf pen name. This third one that was inspired by my trip to the northeast is the third I will publish under Cynthia Sageleaf. And the Tree of Life companion journal will also join the ranks of my published Sageleaf books.
I declare this today and now. You are all my witnesses. And because of that, I feel personally responsible to see this all through. BAM!
Aw, looked like a wonderful and powerful meditation experience. And truly love the epiphany you had by the end of it. You, my friend, are truly amazing and an inspiration to us all. Happy Monday now. And, of course so much love and hugs your way, too!! xoxo <3
Sweet Janine – oh, I just love seeing your sweet smile here! Thank you for your insights and lovely comments. It was a powerful experience and I’m just so glad you’ve been part of the journey. 🙂 You’re an inspiration, too: with your tenacity and perseverance, I have learned lessons from you, too. Happy Monday to you and I hope that you have a wonderful week, too. Sending you so many hugs and love and light, Dear One. And thank you – again – for letting me guest-post while you were (and I!) was gone. xoxo
You go, Lil Sis! Epiphanies are wonderful, aren’t they? Such insight and clarity where once there was a muddled mess. Good for you, and good for you for the public commitment. And now the next step in the journey begins.
Big Bro, hehe, they are wonderful.:) Insights and clarity galore! 😀 Public commitment puts the pressure on. And I’m okay with that. The journey begins…to where no Cynthia has gone before. 😀 Sending you hugs, Big Bro and THANK YOU for your insights. I’m incredibly blessed that I’ve known you for years and your wisdom has had an effect on me. Keep in inspiring! Sending you big hugs!
There’s an old saying* ‘when the student is ready, the teacher appears’.
I would take the position that this also applies to our efforts to self-develop ourselfs.
In fact, seeing it in print, I would I would hazard that, no matter the means or the method, the key is to allow ourselves to be open to teachers, be the: Professors of Something-ology, or the author of a book or …the illusion of a dead spider. The path is already there, (within); it’s a question of being open to the signs.
ya know?
*no, really, this is not one I made up
Clark – I love that saying. I have often thought it on this journey. And it *especially* applies in the “self-develop” realm. And your words are incredibly wise, dear friend. They are similar to what I have read in a number of books: that if we are to grow, we need to be on the lookout for opportunities to engage with teachers, authors, and visions. 🙂 And, yes, I’m thinking Castaneda is in there with those teachers. 😀 And being open to the signs. How so very spiritual of you. 🙂 🙂 Are you sure you didn’t that make that up? Hehe.
Kudos on your insights and decision to commit to writing and creativity Cynthia! The choice feels right from what I know of you. And what a beautiful setting for a retreat to rest, renew and inspire. I would love to visit this center. I admire you finding and committing to your writing path. blessings, Brad
Brad – blessings to you, too. 🙂 And these insights and decisions have been extraordinarily powerful. And you’re right: the choice feels right. I can’t quite explain it, but I feel it. Alabama isn’t that far from NC. But there are many sanctuaries all around. If you ever get the chance to go to one, I know it will be an incredible experience for you. They truly are incredible. Sending you hugs and wishes for a fantastic week, and I look forward to seeing more fantastic flower photos. These is an emerging theme I’m seeing with you and I am just loving it. 🙂 Big hugs! xoxo
Thanks Cynthia. No doubt flowers are a passion for me and they bring me joy. I don’t know that it’s a work direction. 🙂 Yes, I would love to visit Mountain Light or some other retreat center. I spent some time and love the areas around Ashville and the Smokey Mountains. 🙂
Brad – you know, the more I know that I don’t know. Hehe. You just never know: perhaps “flowers” will become more significant for you in time. 🙂 Whatever the case, I can tell you’re fascinated by them and that’s fun to see. As far as visiting a sanctuary, I highly, highly recommend it. I know – just knowing what I know of you – that you would not only fit in with your personality, but you’d really enjoy it. And how wonderful that you know about this area. The energy here is incredible. When I told husby I’d move from the beautiful mountains of Colorado to North Carolina (to be near his family), my only requirement was that there be mountains. He said, no problem. Hehe. Sending you hugs and have a wonderful week!
Oh wow.. Where do I start, in my answering your beautiful post..
So much peace did I feel here as you explained your wonderful stay at this Peaceful retreat..
Loved those butterflies, never in my life apart from on nature films have I seen so many all in one place.. Seems too a horseshoe shape they held another sign of Luck to befall you among all their other wonderful meanings..
Such an idyllic setting.. Trusting in the ‘Source’ as you embarked upon your hike, and those waterfalls stunning photo captures.
And that Bear.. 🙂 ( one of my own totem animals.. You may have noticed a bear holding a sphere of Selenite on my Healing alter.. The Larger Quartz holds the image of my Wolf Totem.. 🙂 Yes a wolf inside the crystal.. A story I may have told you of if not I will..
As for the bear to rifle through your belongings lol.. A close encounter of the Natural kind.. The bear seemed to be unperturbed at finding its way around the lodge.. 🙂
I think you did the right thing in keeping your own energies separate.. I know from experience how if we meet the wrong type of energy on our Travels how it can at times if we let it upset our balance.. This is often why myself and my daughter like to keep our own space.. We both can easily live in solitude and be content within our own company and energy..
Sometimes words and conversation are an intrusion into our own sacred space of tranquillity.. My husband has long got used to my meditations 🙂
So happy that you enjoyed this wonderful Sacred Time for yourself and I know the journaling and Stories will grow and flow..
Love and Blessings dear Cynthia..
Hugs Sue xx 💙
Your comment, dear Sue, just makes me grin – so big! 😀 The peace of the sanctuary was absolutely blissful. I had never seen so many butterflies, either. They would congregate by the hundreds – and typically only in the mornings. But they did this all over the place out there. I hadn’t thought about the horseshoe shape, but you’re right. I just love that!
And yes, I’m learning lots of lessons in trust. I remember hiking to the top of the mountain and envisioning myself on a safe journey – giving thanks for it – and then returning to my wonderful chair and my writing outside my tent.
The bear is your totem animal!? So awesome. He was a cute little guy, and I have a healthy respect for them. I know they’re not to be trifled with, but their tenacity and strong spirits have often guided and helped our Native American brothers and sisters through the ages…such incredible totem signs you have at your alter. Wow. I think I know my totem animals. I have a special affection for deer, turtles, and the raven…
And have you blogged about the wolf inside your crystal? I should love to read that story!! I bet it’s wonderful and powerful and full of incredible lessons.
And yes, the bear WAS quite unperturbed. LOL. But I admit, I hid everything in my car. I definitely didn’t want to wake up to the little bear pawing at my tent. lolol
Thank you for mentioning that about “keeping my energy separate.” Yes…it was a conscious decision. I knew people would be going to the sanctuary for different reasons, and I wanted to have plenty of space to do what I needed to do without feeling more vulnerable. Having our own space is often just what we (well, we more introverted types) need, but it’s because we feel the world so deeply. The owner remarked when I was leaving and expressing my gratitude for letting me stay, that I had one of the most private spaces in the entire sanctuary – because no one else was camping and I had the whole area to myself. I smiled and looked at him and just said, “yes, it was good and definitely intentional.” 🙂 I think my husband doesn’t know what to do about me and my meditations and journeys sometimes, but he’s always supportive and I try to always be supportive of him. He was raised as an Episcopalian, a pretty liberal Christian tradition and was always happy with it. And he’s a meat eater and I respect that. LOL.
I’m looking forward to sharing the journal. I hope it resonates with folks. Love and blessings to you and I am just so grateful for all you wonderful insights and comments. I know they take time – lots of precious time – but I will say that our conversations do mean so much to me. Sometimes I don’t respond immediately because I want to soak in what you say and think about it before responding – there are so many gems of goodness that I want to be sure to savor them all. 🙂 Sending you big hugs and wishes for a wonderful weekend for you! xoxo
I will have to be brief today. Broken laptop so had to read this in my tablet . Will be back because it resonates so much for me. I’m on a similar path. Saving this post. Absolutely wonderful and I’m sending giant hugs and good thoughts. Wishing you a magnificent journey .
Marlene – it’s wonderful to see you and equally wonderful that this post resonated. when I was over at your blog reading, I couldn’t believe the photos of Mt. Hood and your journeys there. I mean it when I must make it out there. 🙂 I hope your laptop gets fixed soon (Mr. Tech Support finished yet? hehe) and that you don’t have to do too much tablet typing. I hope that you get to go on more journeys soon and that you feel the love and hugs I’m sending your way! Hugs – so many hugs! xoxo
Dear Cynthia,
I loved taking my time with this post, including your rich insights and the fabulous photography (as usual).
Loved all the benefits you listed on taking a personal retreat. Will refer to this often as I plan my own for May or June of 2018.
Wishing you much peace and love. Big hugs and thank you for sharing your heart so freely, Maria
Maria,
Aww, hehe. I’m so glad you liked this post. The insights I’ve gained this month, and looking to spirit. It’s been phenomenal. As for the photography, I love the challenge of trying to take the best photo I can. I don’t consider myself a photographer, but I do love just trying to take a really neat snapshot of something that brings me joy…in the hopes that others will find joy in them. 🙂
I’m so glad you’re thinking about this for May or June next year. You truly are remarkable and wonderfully open to new possibilities. I think this type of thing will really fill your heart with joy and rejuvenation.
Wishing you much peace and love, too! Big hugs and thank you for your wonderful words! xoxo
Dear Cynthia – what a wonderful experience! I’m so glad you decided to take the time and effort to share your trip with the world. I found it inspiring. Hubs and I love to camp as often as possible, and for me, part of the reason is because I’m hoping to recreate experiences like the one you’ve written about. Maybe in the near future I can take our camping to that next level of a retreat. And I so enjoyed your lovely photos. Thank You!
Haaaaiiiii, Indy! So awesome to see you here. 🙂 Thank you for coming over and commenting. I’m glad this post resonated with you. I love it that you’re into camping. I feel like it’s one of the best ways to get in touch with nature in a way that say, staying in a hotel while traveling, cannot. If you do create a retreat for yourself, I’d love to hear about it. I love to hear about what others experience when doing things like this. Sending you big hugs and wishes for a wonderful week. 🙂