What’s Happened With My “Death” Meditation
Since November 5, I have been waking up each morning and for one hour, doing a guided meditation on death.
I wasn’t sure what to expect.
I can tell you this: I did not expect it to be relaxing and beautiful.
I expected to face some real fears.
This journey has been full of unexpected surprises: I’ve found unimaginable beauty in my mind, I’ve watched myself “die” and while I can’t say it’s been groundbreaking and utterly life changing (those sorts of experiences are rare, I think), it’s definitely put me on a path to even more gratitude and life-evaluation.
While I still have a good week and a half to go of listening to this guided meditation, I felt that it would be appropriate to use this post to let you know of my progress now that we’re almost at the end of the month. Next week, I’ll begin the December version of the LIFE Project.
As I’ve reflected over this past month, I didn’t want to just “tell you” about my experiences. That can only go so far.
I thought I’d relate this undertaking in story form. As I would wake up and do this meditation each day, it was much like going on an adventure.
Obviously, I won’t be able to relate every detail – the meditation itself is an hour long.
Experiences Within This Meditation
Before going into details of my morning adventures, I thought I’d relate some of the challenges and interesting findings I’ve witnessed.
Waking up only to go into my meditation space and assume “corpse pose” meant lying back down and potentially not staying awake for the entire hour. While I may have not always stayed in a waking state, I do know that I would get fairly deep into this meditation practice quite frequently.
In addition, that familiar feeling of not quite getting into as deep meditation as I’d like while listening to music/guided meditation was palpable. As with my binaural beats experiment, I love the idea of doing this for a short amount of time, but then it makes me welcome my regular meditation sessions sans music, noise or technology.
Death Meditation: Not As Scary As You’d Think
Death meditation is not nearly as frightening as it sounds. For the first couple of days, I will say that it did seem a little bizarre to be imagining myself looking at my corpse. It’s just not something we do as a regular part of Western society.
After getting through that part though, I came to really look forward to the journey. It was almost as if I couldn’t wait to get past watching myself as I died to experience the glorious existence that awaited me after the fact.
Can I also say that it’s a bit surreal to be talking about how I died and couldn’t wait for the adventure?
The story that follows may be graphic – too graphic – for those sensitive souls among us. Please proceed with caution if this topic makes you uncomfortable.
In any case, let me tell you the story of my death (as it parallels the guided meditation)….
I Died on the Blue Ridge Parkway
On the last day of my life, I didn’t feel too sickly or weak. I drove up to my favorite trail on the Blue Ridge Parkway.
I walked until I came to a clearing. This clearing was not too big: large enough to soak up the sunshine, but small enough to lay down and have a little room for wiggling my body. To my right was a large rock with an old pine growing on top of it. To my left were more pine trees that enclosed me and sheltered me as I lay down.
With the sun on my face, I closed my eyes. Slowly I felt my life force leaving my body. I felt my breathing get more shallow until I took one more heaving breath and ceased to exist – at least physically.
My spirit emerged from my body at that moment. My consciousness and soul looked back at my still-warm figure and hovered over it.
For days, months, maybe a year, my spirit drifted over my corpse as it passed through the various stages of decomposition. I watched as my body became rigid, my skin mottled and marbled, and critters came to pick apart my flesh.
At first, I wanted to stop all this from occurring. But I realized that I could no longer feel anything that was happening to my physical body, so what did it matter?
As time passed by, I could only see my skull, a few broken vertebrae, parts of my ribcage and pelvic bones. But after the cold snaps of winter nights, my brittle frame finally disintegrated into the earth with one final storm.
All physical evidence of my body was gone. While I momentarily mourned this loss because I still felt attached to the physical likeness that was once me, I realized now that I was completely free.
I rose above the forested lands effortlessly. I saw the trees and rocks from an aerial point of view and began to glide across the terrain. Soon I passed over the jeweled ocean and over Africa. I turned north and crossed another sea and headed to eastern Europe. I passed over the north pole and came down near the international date line and hovered over Australia and New Zealand for a time. I headed back toward North America and came back down through South America.
I whispered blessings to friends and family as I passed these places. Upon leaving the tip of South America, I set my sights toward the sky. I sailed toward the sun so I could witness its bright solar flares and touched its surface. I had no feeling – at least not where I had a physical presence that would be harmed by the light or the heat. I dove into the orange-yellow star only to emerge on the other side feeling empowered to go deeper into the Milky Way.
Time was relative. I wasn’t sure if it took seconds or eons, but I reached the center of the galaxy. Like a kickball, I bounced effortlessly out of center the Milky Way and flew until I spotted the Andromeda Galaxy. I sailed closer toward it. I realized then that I could see an infinitude of galaxies in every direction. 
As I took in the sights, I became aware of how everything seemed connected. This connection was the life force that had been in my physical body. It existed everywhere in the universe.
Every galaxy and star system, every planet, every organism on those distant orbs was part of this energy system. I could see pink skies and orange mountains, red oceans and purple trees. I could see humanoid creatures on different planets, living in different cultures, existing next to exotic trees, and complex rock formations.
It all had a life force.
I could see it all distinctly and yet all at once.
This was when I understood that this energy was also a form of consciousness. I felt present to every living thing, from single celled organisms to creatures great and small. I felt the mist of clouds, sparkling star dust, and the vibration of everything around me.
In fact, there was a constant humming sound that I could hear. It felt like it came from the center of the universe. A ubiquitous “Ommmm” sound that at once allowed me to see ancient earth people who operated more out of instinct than logic, but who understood that consciousness was sacred.
I understood that I was connected to everything. Connected to Source. I could simultaneously feel incredible power, infinite light. I had total creative authority – that what I thought would magically come into existence. I could see never-ending green balanced forests, nations on endless planets existing in peace, animals communicating with different life forms through touch, sound, taste, and feeling.
As I reveled in this vast, boundless existence, I knew that my death was only the beginning of a new plane of existence.
Eventually, I thought back to my “spirit body” and pulled away from the collective existence of Everything. I headed back toward the Milky Way, toward Earth and contemplated why I chose to exist when I did – at that moment in the time continuum, at that moment in history (or herstory or ourstory).
All the while, I felt an intoxicating, overpowering and yet welcome sense of love: love for life (my life, all lives, lives near and far), flowers, light, people, animals, trees, even my former enemies, creepy crawlies and love of the connectedness to Oneness.
I am all these things and I am none of them. I exist in infinity and once existed physically. I can tap into Source and to its incredible power to experience different lives and different moments – at any given time.
That is the story of my death: one that I have relived each day since November 5. This whole meditative experience has changed my perception of death and the possibilities of what can happen in its wake.
I am fascinated (while still wanting to live out my life fully and presently).
Dear Cynthia,
Thank you for sharing these intimate thoughts with us. You have a way of challenging
me to go deeper and find clarity in subjects that are frequently put on the back burner.
You show us that death can be a peaceful and beautiful part of life.
Love, peace and hugs, Maria
Maria – thank you, sweet friend! Believe it or not, I had a lot of fun turning the meditation into story form. It became a powerful exercise for me. Hmm…that actually gives me an idea – it sounds morbid, but perhaps a “death story” is a good exercise. It was really peaceful. As for challenging you to go deeper: I have had so many friends who say that I “go deep” a lot. LOL. Even my husband often says, “whoa, calm that brain of yours down!” I suppose I’m just wired that way. Giggles. But I’m *so* glad you’re around for this journey. I count my blessings. Sending you many blessings on this day!
I loved the insights into your “death” here and appreciate knowing what may come in the hereafter possibly. Thanks for sharing and just slowly getting back into the swing of things after being off the grid last week with Disney and Thanksgiving, too. Hugs and have a wonderful week ahead now <3
Janine – thank you, sweet friend. It’s not a light topic but one that can help us to look at it in ways that can help us. Or at least how the story goes in my head. lol. Thank you for coming by, sharing your thoughts and being such a genuinely awesome person! Hopefully there’s not too, too much to catch up on after taking a little R&R and birthday wishes headed Lily’s way! I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving!
Sounds like a wonderful experience. I don’t know if I’m ready to meditate on my death and create a death story, but I sure liked yours. Far out! 🙂
Brad – thank you for your thoughts here. Thank you for your honesty, too. You know…the story just happened. I started writing and really got into a groove and it took more shape than even what happened in my mind. I have enjoyed this journey, but I am wanting to get back into my normal mediation routine again. 🙂
Fascinating of course, Lil Sis! As the years speed by, and I stand on the precipice of 70, I can say with all honesty that death does not frighten me. I see no reason to be frightened by it. There is either an afterlife or there is nothing; neither of those options seems scary. Now mind you I’m not looking forward to it because I love my life, but fear it? I think not!
Hugs coming your way!
Big Bro, it’s crazy to think that we met (well, “met” is a relative term, lol) in 2011 and you were “early 60s” then. Time flies. You don’t seem to be anywhere near the precipice of 70: you are young, my friend. When I read about all the things you do, all the books, all the awesome farm sanctuary stuff, having raised a son, and getting married to Bev – well, I can just say that you’ve got the energy of a young lad. This is one of the many reasons I so look up to you: you have such a great outlook on life, such great energy, and you walk your talk. You’re right: there is either an afterlife or not, and we’re all fated to it, so what’s there to worry about? I love my life, too. I don’t fear it. I just have so, so much to live for and things I want to do. Big hugs coming your way, too, from Cackalack!
I have your death meditation bookmarked for when I get quiet time after company leaves next week. Having anyone around 24/7 is very hard for me. It’s a meditation I’m very interested in as I’ve been diagnosed terminal as has been my sister. Every day is a gift and I want as many as possible but I have not fear of death. I remember the in between before coming here this time. I knew my work was going to be hard but sometimes one “forgets” it was the plan. When you know the ride has come to an end, you appreciate the little things so much more. Thanks so much for sharing this with me. I’ll get back here soon.
Marlene – your comment here, when it first came in, provoked a deep thought response, if you will. I hope you enjoyed your company. Having anyone around, except for husby, is difficult for me, as well. It’s one of those introvert things. Hehe.
Now, for your diagnosis. Let me tell you a little story. My mother REGULARLY would get patients into the nursing home with “one month to live” or “three months to live” and with “terminal this” and “terminal that.” And EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. she managed to defy doctors. One patient came in who was 96 years old. They have her less than a year. My mom kept her healthy and happy until she was 106.
The point to this is that none of us really knows when it’s our time. Truth be told, I could leave this planet before you and have no idea that it was going to happen. But, at least with this kind of diagnosis, it gives you the chance to get your affairs in order and to work on readying yourself for when that day comes. But a broader lesson is that too many of us live like we’re never going to die. We don’t get our affairs in order. We don’t think that day will ever come and if we do, so often, we misjudge time and before we know it, decades have gone by. But, I like to think that doctors can only really speculate. They have no idea if you would go into remission from your diagnosis. They have no idea exactly how long it would take to live out a terminal diagnosis.
All that to say is that I completely agree with you: every day is a gift. A new 24 hours to do anything we imagine. I love that you’re posting about your sister, that you’ve had a chance to visit her, that you’ve spent time with your son, and that you are living life to the fullest. You are a light to others in so many ways. Keep on keeping on. We’re all rooting for you: for your health, happiness, and triumph! Many blessings to you! xoxo
I can’t agree with you more. I’m preparing for the very worst and moving toward the very best. I’ll get my affairs in order then eliminate what no longer brings me joy. I have defied this disease before and expect to do it again. The mind believes what we tell it. I’m telling it the doctors do not know of what they speak. They go on averages and most people blindly accept the diagnosis. Yes, I’m more exhausted than ever but there are things I can do to change that. It’s part of my overall plan. More exercise, better diet, more laughter only close friends who can keep positive energy flowing. I have no time for energy vampires. My sister is accepting, I am not. I have a lot to do yet and intend to get it done. But there is the reality that I won’t waste time on many things that don’t help me grow and heal. My spiritual practice is paramount right now. Practicing daily kindness and gratitude are already part and parcel in my life and I want to expand it. This has just shown me where I got lazy in my thoughts and emotions. I got a hit on Thursday that a more consistent yoga practice would be the thing that turned this around. I’m going with that. i so appreciate your words of strength and hope. I’ve been reading Lynn McTaggart’s Power of Eight and I’m working to collect my circle of eight. I know this can be done and maybe I can document it. Mom lasted a year. My sister is going into her second and I see lots of not so good changes. I may need more rest to fight back but I fully intend to do just that. It will be an interesting experiment. 🙂 Giant squishy hugs, M
Sweet Marlene – everything you say here is spot-on, I think. In fact, it sounds like a recipe for living life fully. So much of what we do and are is controlled by the mind and I often think many illnesses can at least be mitigated with our mind. I agree about what you said regarding doctors. I look forward to reading your thoughts about your journey. Kindness and gratitude not only help others, but they are powerful medicine. Have fun with your yoga practice. And I want to look into that book: The Power of Eight. I hadn’t heard of it, but now I’m intrigued. 🙂 Rest as you need. Stay strong. No matter what happens, know that you are loved, and that who you are always makes a difference in the lives of those around you, in my life, and all those you touch with your powerful words in the blogosphere. Squishy hugs back. Ima haveta use that phrase. lol
Thank you, Cynthia. A lot of people touched my life along the way so I am just giving back. Thanks for understanding and being there. It’s appreciated.
Marlene – sending you big hugs! Never forget how amazing you are. xo
Cynthia, I loved your experience.. I am going to come back again and read tomorrow.. Its 9-40pm here and I have been in my reader all afternoon, and evening catching up, So I want to re read and come back fresh tomorrow and leave you my thoughts.. Wishing you a lovely evening too..
Love and well wishes my friend..
Sue xxx <3
Sue – I saw your other comment regarding this and I’ll go over and respond to that in a few. I appreciate, so appreciate, how you put such thought and beauty into your comments. This is also why I take some time to respond sometimes: I love to think about how I can respond effectively to folks’ awesome comments. Wishing you a lovely afternoon. Sending you hugs. And more hugs! xo
Dear Cynthia,
I just had to come back to re-read this again. It was beautiful, even the decomposing.
I was especially interested about the hummm.. The reason being is that what I called my own out of
Body experience OBE, some years ago also began with the hum..
I was relaxing, sort of meditating, yet not really thinking much of it, just deeply relaxing, I was laid on my
Bed in the afternoon.
When the hum came, like a swarm of bees, that came from a far distance to swamp my entire Being, as I felt
I was part of the hum..
It was then I felt myself being pulled up and out from the top of my head.. At first I resisted and as to be honest
It was scary. Then I thought just go with the flow and allow it to Be..
I went up out of my body sort of being sucked out from my head… and Went through the wall and up onto the roof of our home.. I was able to look down the street as if I was flying..
Then I was taken higher still out up in the sky out into the atmosphere.. Where I looked back at earth to the Blue planet she was, surrounded by clouds and ocean.. ( like the photos from the space shuttle ).
I did not travel to the Sun. But I travelled far into space, and couldn’t tell you how long it lasted, it may have been seconds , but like you, no sense of time as we know it..
But in that moment it was as if all made perfect sense.. I wasn’t afraid, just puzzled as to why I was being shown it all..
Later I met a three headed dragon. ( my hubby said it was a lucid dream ) but it was far greater than any dream..
I then questioned what was I doing here, and then thought of earth and immediately I found myself flying back through space, but as I got closer to earth I was shown earth not as it is now..
I was shown it as a ball of molten gas as volcanoes erupted and my fear came back, I said is this Hell you are showing me.. And the thoughts came back. No this is Earth.
I got the instinctive knowing, that when I asked that, I asked was it the past.. And I felt, though cannot say now if I was told, as the fear at that point had kicked back in.. That this was the future.. But that is what I felt..
I then heard the humming sound once more, as I woke up on my bed with a jolt, like one of those dreams when you shoot your leg out to steady yourself as you feel you are going to fall. That was when my Spirit self-reconnected with a jump I feel.
That experience I have never forgotten, and several times in subsequent deep relaxation, the hum would return and I would feel the sensation pull me again..
But the fear of me flying right out into space prevented more exploration I feel, As I would only then hover over the roof top and not want to go further afield..
This to me was a real experience..
And your Death Meditation reminded me so much of that Cynthia, and while you may have thought you were meditating, I do feel you also had an OBE.
We are indeed all part of the galaxies and made of the stuff of stars.
I had another blogging friend who now has stopped blogging, she may well have transcended.. She would travel to the Sun, often.. Which is why I think and have to tell you, I feel this is so very special for you..
Good night sweet friend.. I am so happy for you on your journey.. I know so much more will open up for you..
Love and Blessings.. And enjoy your weekend.. <3 Sue xxx Hugs xxxx
Sue – this story and all your thoughts: I’m speechless! (And forgive me for the delay in responding – turns out I had the flu! I’m on the mend, but I’ve been hugging pillows and blankets for three days, lol – the universe said, “you WILL take a break!” lol).
The hum you spoke of: I once heard – I don’t know where – that the center of the universe emanates the “om” frequency – a sound that the ancients documented in Sanskrit. That has fascinated me ever since: the frequency of the universe.
But reading your story here, I have to say I was riveted! You were just relaxing and then that happened!?! That sounds so much like the astral travel and lucid dreaming I’ve read about, as your husband thought, too. But then you said how it was far greater than a dream. I believe you and that’s incredibly fascinating.
It makes me think about when I was a kid and got really “holy,” I was also very, very interested in becoming an astronaut – kind of like in Star Trek. I was so interested in it because I felt like we’d find the answers to our existence there and if we could prove it, that there would be world peace. We’d overcome our predjudices and figure out how to respect each other.
I wonder what the symbolism of the 3-headed dragon was. Interesting that it was the number 3 – which is a power number. And the molten lava…such powerful, dark symbols. I have this need to interpret them, but I also feel like that is also not my place…sort of one of those things that gets revealed in due time.
Maybe during the meditations, I experienced this, too. I am definitely open to the idea. It was always the same – even if I imagined started out in different places on earth before traveling into space. It was so powerful. And relaxing and…almost intoxicating. Like I just wanted to stay there…connected to everything, feeling the incredible power of creation, seeing everything and nothing at once. Wow! You know…I might have to find more guided meditations to help with this. I had sort of dismissed it after December 4, but in light of your words, I’m now wondering…
You have given me much wonderful food for thought. I think I’m going to take a nap for a bit and contemplate – and smile – at your words and what this could mean. Love and blessings to you. You are a light in my life. 🔆
Cynthia, I may this week when I have some more time, sit and write you an email upon this experience and to my own interpretation. And that of other experiences I have had. I do not want to overload your brain right now as you need to regain your energy.. But look out for an email sometime this week, I Will try over the next few days try to write down my thoughts. And send them..
Love and Blessings and take care out in the snow.. <3 xx
Sue – how wonderful! I know this is a busy time of year, so if you don’t get to it immediately, I completely understand. But wow! I can’t wait to read. I slept a lot yesterday so I have more energy and I’m feeling almost, ALMOST normal again….
I’ll look out for your email and thank you so much for sharing all this with me. From one heart to another: you are amazing. I wish you a wonderful week and have fun in the snow! xo