Discovering That I’m an Empath
It wasn’t until I posted my flash fiction story entitled “Imagine There’s No Countries” did I ever consider myself to be an empath.
When my blogger friend, Tina Frisco read my post, she pointed out that as she read, she figured out from the introduction that I was an empath.
I’d come across the term before but sort of dismissed it. I suppose I thought I didn’t fit all the criteria. Basically empaths are the people in the world who effectively absorb other people’s emotions, even to the point of physical symptoms. I never knew that that also meant that when I come across someone who’s sad or angry, I start feeling sad or anxious (not necessarily angry), too.
When people are happy, my heart leaps for joy. When they’re not (and they’re around me), I start to get really uncomfortable. It is extremely difficult to be around people who are angry (both in the moment and chronically so). It’s not that anger isn’t a healthy emotion when channeled effectively. But I’m referring to the uncontrolled or the toxic long-term anger that is difficult to process.
More Characteristics of Empaths
As I did more research, I began to understand more about this term. I’ve always had a tendency to people-please and will go to great lengths to create harmony for myself and those around me. Discord literally makes my stomach hurt. Or my heart. It will physically hurt.
This need for peace translates into me spending large amounts of time at home, where I can step away from the noise and hubbub of the world. It’s a reason I’m creating a work life for myself where I can be home a majority of the time.
I have found that when I’m in social situations for prolonged amounts of time, I feel an energy drain. That is a classic introvert characteristic (and many empaths are introverts). But then add to that how much I feel the emotions of others and it compounds the energy drain I might feel.
In a given social situation, I have always sensed the folks who are disgusted or not exactly happy. I can also sense the people who are happy with life. I gravitate toward other sensitive souls who instinctively know to tread carefully, taking every measure to spread an aura of peace.
It’s funny. I never fully realized that this is due to being an empath. I just knew – for all my life – that if I was around someone who had a temper, someone who seemed to have no boundaries, or someone who was negative, I would feel a desperate need to figuratively throw glitter at them and create a happiness fire. Or something like that. I just needed to fix it. Immediately.
So, to all those people who thought I was too thin-skinned and too sensitive? Yup, I am these things and I embrace it. It is who I am.
[bctt tweet=”My heart is happy when I see others happy.” username=”n2itvnspiritual”]
Empaths Need Harmony
At Work
Perhaps it is this empathic characteristic that I possess is what has led me to seek out the most harmonious work situations for myself. I always thought it was because I craved change. After all, I’ve embraced the multipotentialite lifestyle. Even as I write this post, I’m coming to understand that after awhile, I always get this craving to change-up my life: where I work, what I do, where I live….
As I reflect on the needs of an empath, I’m not so sure it’s “complete change in surroundings” that I crave, but rather a change in the energy from the people with whom I surround myself or a change in the energy from my surroundings. I actually wonder if the cumulative energy I would experience in a given workplace or familial setting would make me need to shake things up.
It’s just a thought. I generally love every place I’ve worked, but coming to think of it, when the energies of folks would get a little wonky, that would be when I’d get restless. Hmm…hmm….
I can recall that when I was younger, I never thought I could work or stay anywhere for 30 years. The thought of living in the same place or doing the same type of job for decades makes my energy sag just thinking about it. I admire those who have gone before me and done just that. There’s something to be said for the person who can hang around for a long time at the same place.
At Home
I am extremely fortunate that I have a partner in life who has a big heart, who’s empathic himself, and who is a wonderful listener. I often process my world verbally – by talking out loud with my closest companion. He is a gentle soul to whom I can turn with any question, any hardship, any moment of glee.
When I chose him (Ha! He’d already chosen me before I even realized!), I knew that I would be comfortable with his personality, his spirit, his way of doing things that would allow me (indeed both of us!) to flourish. I knew that my home life would be harmonious.
The Final Confirmation? Meditation…
You may recall that back in October or November, I cut back my formal meditation time. I still would “sit” for an hour each day, but I would formally meditate for 20 minutes, then write in my journal, then write a haiku and find a fitting photo to go with it.
It was still meditative to me. Or so I thought.
One day recently, J noticed how I seemed to be feeling anxious and that I was particularly sensitive to the hurts around me, and the rest of the world. He mentioned how he’d sensed quite an uptick in me feeling like I was experiencing discord in all my relationships – personal, professional, and otherwise.
I’d already noticed, as well. I’d felt it and was aware, deep in my core. (Meditation does wonders for self-awareness, by the way.)
Instinctively, I knew that I needed to go back to my regular early-morning date with my meditation cushion, and I had to work my way back up to an hour. The sooner, the better.
Because of the self-awareness I mentioned, I had already been increasing my meditation time 5-10 minutes per day. In the past week, I had 60-minute full mediation sessions, followed by journaling and haiku writing. Basically, an hour and a half of inner-work.
The difference is noticeable. It’s incredible, really, how much I already feel better-equipped to face the world, its noise, problems, glad tidings, and successes. I feel a deep sense of calm as I notice my breath during the day, and I’m aware of how much I feel “protected.”
For me, in order to process the world, its feelings and sentiments, and to come away still being able to function normally, I have to meditate. I can’t substitute anything else for it. Writing is meditative, yes, but it doesn’t replace the benefits I feel from focusing just on my breath, behind closed eyes in the morning twilight.
I began doing research about protecting myself more as an empath, and meditation was the top piece of advice.
To that end, I have learned that even though I’ve tried different things with meditation this year with the LIFE project, as well as scaled up and scaled back, I know now that without a doubt, meditation helps me to navigate the world in a protected way.
Helping Myself Energetically as an Empath
I looked into what might help me even better to navigate and process the world around me. I imagine there are others out there – indeed, perhaps even folks who already follow this website – who would benefit from some ideas and tips on dealing with the energies of the world more effectively.
Shielding
First, I can tell you of a practice that I used to do more, but haven’t been doing lately. It’s time I incorporate it again because I know it works. It’s a way of shielding myself with white light, using the chakras (energy centers) of the body.
At the end of my mediation (this can also be done during meditation), I remain still and imagine all the energy centers of my body as marbles of light. These are what you think of as chakras, ranging from red located at the sacrum, then orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, all the way up to the crown of the head and is purple in color. These energy centers are said to have a specific function as they relate to the body.
As you imagine the marbles of different-colored light, imagine the light expanding from each marble at once. Watch as these auras of light overlap and grow into each other, eventually getting so big that they merge into white light that surrounds your body. This is your shield. Take a moment to thank this shield for protecting you from negative energy and from danger throughout the day.
You can then conjure up this energy shield at any time during the day. I love to do this before I drive off in the car and before important meetings with different people. I also imagine my shield around me before any precarious situation.
Engage in Energy Clearing
This is where I get sage and sweetgrass. I perform a smoke-cleansing (smudging) ceremony. As I light the sage, I imagine all negative energy leaving my body. I circle the sage around and visualize it protecting me. I remember to express gratitude for the sage.
Then I take the sweetgrass and swirl it all around my body and imagine the wisps of sweet, yet peppery smoke enveloping me with positive energy. I also express gratitude for the sweetgrass surrounding me with good energy.
Journaling
In addition to my intention journal, I have recently started a “brain splatter” journal. This is a place where all grammar, full stops, punctuation, capital letters and such go out the window and I just let my mind go all stream-of-consciousness.
I just let it all out, and don’t even really bother to read what I wrote – I just let the emotions get out and they can get stuck in the virtual world like velcro and there they will stay…forever. I have found this to be extremely helpful.
Stones and Crystals
Quartz and grounding stones really help, as well. As I meditate, I hold them near or in my hands and I can take them with me during the day. These help to serve as powerful reminders of their properties.
Many different types of stones and crystals exist and have different purposes. The ones I use most frequently are tiger’s eye for grounding, courage, and deflecting malice. I also like to carry amethyst for clarity in thought, powerful meditation, and protection from negative thoughts, among other things.
Dear Cynthia,
Thanks for introducing me to two new concepts: the empath and the multipotentialite lifestyle.
Thanks also for sharing how you build upon your personality / style to feel fulfillment and inner peace
in your life.
Wishing you a peaceful and happy week to come. Love, Maria
Mar – you know, I have a hunch that you might be an empath, too. Your big heart and your professional career just seem to say, “I care and I want everything to be all right.” Thank you for your sweet words. They mean so much to me. I appreciate you and our friendship and all the smiles you bring to my face. 🙂 Best wishes for an incredible week! xoxo
Loved reading your post Cynthia, and Tina is right. Being empathic and having a heart, is all well and good, for that is what we wish people to understand as they show compassion for others..
But as we open ourselves in life, I learnt like you that being empathic also has its drawbacks..
I like you so dislike Disharmony, and dislike arguments, and I strived from being a child always to please and be liked. Mainly because I perhaps always felt unworthy of being loved as I felt neglected on that deeper level that I never truly understood while growing into an adult. And the wounds do physically hurt in our solar plexus our emotional centres when our energies clash in discord.
It is so easy to become physically drained and emotional and not understand that it is not due to our immediate circumstances, but we are feeling emotions of others. It is often why I need to take breaks away from the internet, as we instinctively give energy which depletes our own.
I am pleased you began to understand and feel the changes in yourself and sort to go back into your quite space of meditation. My own means of meditation these days, while I do practice, I find my Art also takes me into that quiet space of creation to which I need to blend my spirit with. It aligns ourselves with our True essence of BE-ing.
Shielding and protecting ourselves is a good practice. We forget we are energy BEINGS and that our Auras are spinning and energy, of both polls come into its orbit. And we are like magnets, ‘Like attracts Like’ So when we are depleted and feeling at a low ebb, it can be a downward spiral as our Aura gets ‘De-pressed’ and squashed by the weight of energy of a low vibration, Hence we feel down, and ‘Depressed’ .
So working on our auras and building it up with Light is a good exercise.. I also practice scanning my aura.. Closing my eyes and encircling my body like an egg including top and bottom, and seeing if I sense a break or leakage, a shadow of energy which you will instinctively feel.. I then Shaw up the breakage with extra White Light or us a colour that instinctively comes to mind.. And as you know I use Sage Smudging too.. 🙂
I love what you have written here Cynthia, Such good advice my dear wise friend..
Also we need to remember our Crystals also need regular cleansing.. 🙂
Sending so much love your way dear Cynthia and fingers crossed this gets through.. 🙂
Sue – hehe, I just wanted to respond (and I’ll come back later to write a proper response) that your comment got through and it’s beautiful! 😉
Sweet Sue – how lovely your comment! Without a doubt I know you’re an empath. You’re an incredible light to me and an inspiration along this path. I used to think that my sensitivity was a negative trait. In that world out there, especially the corporate one, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of room for us. But then I discovered something extraordinary: we empaths have a lot of power to create change – change for a better world, a more harmonious one. Through our thoughts, words, and actions, we have the power to elicit such compassion and love for one another. But yes, our power can get depleted. Giving of ourselves is so important to us, but too much and it becomes kryptonite.
As I have ebbed and flowed with my meditation this year, I appreciate and have honed in on how much I need it. I don’t always want to make myself “sit” – it’s kind of like exercise. The benefits are enormous, it feels good even while we’re doing it, but getting started sometimes is difficult – overpowering the “slow” momentum to get going is hard. Hehe. But once we get in the groove, it becomes so much easier. 🙂
Your art – yes, absolutely – can take you into that space. That is why so much of what I do – the mandalas, haikus, etc. – doesn’t feel like work. It just feels like I’m replenishing my spirit. I just need to be careful to balance it because too much of anything is counterproductive.
We are BEINGS, aren’t we? Not doings. Not goings. Not machines. I have experienced that “de-pressed” aura so many times. It can be rather easy to get dragged down, huh? I strive to find like minds, but then I run into the “okay, I need to rest from my human encounters” haha! I love your idea of working on auras and building them up. Scanning and infusing ourselves with white light – such a good idea and something I will try immediately. 🙂 I also forget to clean my crystals sometimes. Hmm…let me go find my sea salt. 🙂 Thank you for your sweet words. I appreciate you, more than you know. <3 Sending love and light your way! PS – that post you shared yesterday was IN-CRE-DI-BLE!!! I read it last night before bed, and I had the most incredible dreams…and I’m still smiling!
OK, so I admit I have never heard of this term used this way before. But definitely loved learning about it. That said I think I may have a bit of this myself as I do find myself feeling other people’s feelings when they are feeling them. So, it is quite possible that I am similar in this fashion. So loved also learning something quite possibly new about myself here today. That said thank you for that and more. Happy Monday, my friend and so many hugs your way this upcoming week!!! <3 <3 <3
Janine – I’m not entirely sure how much I’d heard this term in my own life until more recently. It is fun to learn about, though. 🙂 I think you have empathic abilities: what with your design capabilities and the amazing work you do. YeS! 🙂 I’m always so glad you’ve stopped by! Sending you hugs, light, and wishes for a wonderful week! And your Valentine posts! Oh my! Such awesomeness there! xoxo
Yes for Bev…yes for me! And I can tell you, from one Empath to another, it can be exhausting and withering, at times. There are days I would love to shut it off. Such is life. I love who I am with all of the colors included.
Hugs Lil Sis!
Big Bro – all that is not surprising. Especially with Bev. But you being a prolific writer, absolutely. 🙂 Exhausting and withering – indeed! But it makes us also what we are – the incredible beings who have so much to offer the world. You do you so well, my friend. You are awesome. Here’s to making a difference, little by little, day by day. Sending you BIG HUGS from Cackalack!
Thanks Cynthia. These are great insights into the world of being an empath. I relate to so much of what both you and Sue wrote. Meditation, centering, nature time and good tools for me. Maybe I’ll try the shielding and cleansing more too.
Brad – thank you! I imagine you’re also an empath. I can see it. 🙂 You’re a sensitive soul and it shows in your beautiful writing and the things that you share. Meditation, centering, nature time – all these are good. I certainly do all those. The shielding is so good for when I know I might be in a tense encounter with someone. And there was an empath article I found that encouraged, “guerilla meditation” – meditating before and after draining encounters so that you can remain strong. Now…the trick is to actually REMEMBER to do that. Hehe. Sending you hugs and light, my friend! Have a wonderful week!
“I would feel a desperate need to figuratively throw glitter at them,” made me smile and relate so well. I’ve known I was an empath for many years. Having worked as an addictions counselor for 30 years, I shielded when I remembered to, but it sure took a toll on me. Now that I’ve been retired for one year, I am thankful to be home. I do some volunteer work, but still feel a little guilty about not using my degree/license/experience to help more. I guess it’s hard to shift gears. Reading your post is helping me not feel guilty. I’m slowly realizing how much I’ve earned this time to just take care of myself, do a little writing and painting and look toward enjoying life more. My favorite days are when I stay home all day and don’t go anywhere and that is okay. Thank you for helping me process this a little deeper.
JoAnna – hehe, glitter and I get along very well (especially when I don’t have to clean it up – haha). 🙂 And empaths are usually in professions that help others – so seeing that you were a counselor, yup, yup, that makes so much sense. I bet you were really, really good at it. 🙂 But, I have worked in education for a long while and when I was doing more teaching, whew, I understand about the toll it can take, and your line of work was even more difficult in terms of the emotions you probably experienced. We empaths all need to take a collective breath and let ourselves just be. 🙂 I say that because I also feel guilty when I see colleagues who all work full time and take on all these projects. But then I am getting better at honoring my own needs while trying to remember that by doing that, I can be of much better service to the world. 🙂 And you’re a writer and a painter? Oh, kindred spirits! Nice to meet you here; thank you for commenting. I don’t always get to my comments immediately, but I will respond. My favorite days are when I stay home all day, too. Of course, after about four days, I at least need to get out and be around other humans for a little while before retreating again. LOL. Thank YOU for your insights and thoughts. You made ME smile! <3
I could have guessed you were an empath by your topics and your followers. We tend to gravitate to each other for support to combat the energy vampires. I do many of the things you do here to protect myself as well as spending a great deal of time alone, It’s a rough go through life but I’d rather have that challenge than be uncaring. Keep taking care of yourself. I was talking to my daughter and we had planned to smudge my house after the holidays but January ran right over me like a truck. Doing a lot of quiet healing things and smudging is still on the list with a lot of clutter clearing. Got my body cleaned again from the junk so making good progress. Keep your light shining. Hugs. Marlene
Sweet Marlene! I hope you’re doing well, friend! Hehe…my topics and followers – I’m guilty. Hehe. But yes, the community here in the blogosphere of individuals who understand these things is probably the biggest reason I sit down every week and write my posts. I have found a community of kindred spirits that make my heart leap in happiness! <3 I, too, spend much time alone (and husby does, too – we each have our “space” in the house to which we retreat and it’s mutual that we respect each others’ spaces while still coming together to help each other out and enjoy our companionship). I’m with you exactly on those sentiments about needing alone time…it’s a balance. I can go for multiple days without leaving the house but then I’ll find I need to see other humans – if even just out on a walk. 🙂 And don’t worry about January going by so fast: you’ll get your chance to smudge in good time. Keep doing those quiet, healing activities and clean that clutter. Take care of you. I’m proud of you and your progress. I’ll look for your shining light, as well. Sending you big hugs from Cackalack. <3
Yes that story of the homeless man was incredible, and when I went over from Debby’s blog I follow, who had reblogged it, I just had to do the same and share it. It brought a lump literally to my throat. Homelessness here in the UK is on the increase, and in today’s day and age we should have no one sleeping on the streets.. But the divide it seems grows wider instead of closer,
And some days my emphatic self wants to scream.. Which is why we need Balance.. and to be mindful of our emotions.. As if we are not careful it can all become too much.
I remember I wrote a post either last year of the year before, how for no reason I just broke down and cried while I was gardening.. I mean I sobbed out my heart.. I had to sit and meditate then, to see what had brought it all on.. And it was the world events, the Syrian refugees and war and starvation and children suffering.. It hit me like a ton of bricks. As I had allowed myself unwittingly to absorb the pain and suffering. And I felt as if I would break.
You will find being so sensitive Cynthia you have to be more mindful, and I am so pleased you see that, and are protecting yourself ..
I also use a visualisation of a fishing net to trawl my Aura, catching the negative spots.. I then hand them into giant hands of the Source.. to dispose as it sees fit. 😉
Thank you for that wonderful response and so pleased my comment made it.. 🙂
Enjoy your week 🙂
Sweet Sue – yes, thank you so much for sharing that beautiful, beautiful post. I mean it when I said I went to bed with such a smile and such a fire for wanting to write more inspirational stuff like that, as well. Homelessness is a tragedy that I hope we humans can also work to overcome one day. And I realize that in many ways, I’ve actually put up a lot of (healthy, I hope) boundaries around things that are truly upsetting: from toxic familial relationships to different so-called friends, to not listening to the news (while trying to stay informed) to…so many things. I’ve created a small inner circle of people like are all like rays of light to me but I also have to remember that I also need to be aware of the things that I can do in the world to bring about positive change…
Your beautiful story about you in the garden…my heart lurched a little. I’m sorry about the pain you felt…but then again, you were feeling the collective pain of so many and that is so…hard. You have such a beautiful heart and I can relate. I can’t even watch those commercials that talk about adopting pets, lest I burst out crying. And this is why you have so much knowledge of protecting your aura, your spirit: because it knows what needs to happen to find the balance of protection and yet still wanting to change the outcomes of the heartbreaking stories of the world…
You’re right about the mindfulness piece there. I think this is why I gravitate toward meditation and spirituality so much. I just so feel like there’s a whole other world that we sensitive types are attuned to and…I find myself drawn to finding out about it, being a part of it and seeing where it’ll take me.
I have a book that talks about visualization in the way you mention here. I’m saving it for March (or after the LIFE project ends) but I love the idea of handing the negative spots to Source. Wow. I just got chills reading that. Incredible.
Glad your beautiful comments are here, sweet friend. I am visualizing reaching through the screen and hugging you and telling you how much your beautiful heart is needed in this world.
Thank you for your sweet, encouraging words – always. Truly. You are a bright star in my sky. 🙂
Hi Cynthia… great resource you have created here. I have been an empath as well. I first discovered it in the late 60’s while a friend was dealing with cancer. It was certainly a weird feeling almost knowing what she was thinking.
My doctor at the time was a holistic doctor and he pointed it out to me. Since then I have learned to listen to others and understand more clearly what was happening. I have learned to shed the weight that one can carry and continue to live a relatively normal life yet very aware of others suffering.
Hugs from Alberta
Sweet Rolly – ya know, the more I get to know you, the more I think that perhaps we crossed paths in another life or something. Hehe. To hear about you as an empath is not surprising but also I’m like, OF COURSE! And you knew this in the late 60s!? With a friend who had cancer? WOWZA! I’d love to hear that story sometime (if it’s not too painful to tell) – just what it was like to experience what she was thinking.
We need more of those holistic doctors in the world. Reading about how you’ve learned to listen to others and understand…I’m sure that some of that might come from your time living with the First Peoples and with your time in the wilderness. You have had an incredible life so far, my friend. Just incredible. I’m not so good at shedding the weight that I pick up from others and it’ll pile up until I fall over with angst. Once I “process” it, I can go on, but I tell you…a couple times a month I’ll have these days where I’m like “NO! It’s just too hard to face the world!” I have my time, I process and then I’m ready to go again. It’s a matter of learning how my head works and then I can roll with it. But hearing about all the people here who are empaths and their journeys…you all have taken my breath away. Thank you for sharing, dear friend! And I owe you an email. It’s forthcoming. 🙂
Awww, thank you dear Cynthia… Its also so wonderful opening up and chatting with you this way also.. And I love our exchanges .. Thank you for those Hugs, and I must have felt them.. I felt so content yesterday 🙂 xxx
Sue – likewise, sweet friend. Across the distance, I may have never met you in person, but there’s a connection. I feel like you are a great teacher and I am the grasshopper, taking in your beautiful path and learning about myself as I go. Thank you for this priceless gift: a gift that is you! Keep doing what you do because you’re creating ripples that are changing the world. xoxo
I love that you embrace your sensitivity, Cynthia. I was told “I’m too sensitive” for years and tried to change. I found this so difficult to alter! Now I am like you and embrace it <3 Excellent post, dear friend.
Sweet Christy – thank you so much! I have definitely embraced this empathic skill – and it is a skill – and if that means I am a sensitive spirit who gets hurt in the process sometimes, I can learn to mitigate it. Perhaps through “enlightenment” I will transcend it – with the hope that we all transcend it but use it to evoke compassion and inspiration in the fellow humans. 🙂 I’m glad you embrace it: you are an incredible, incredible gift to the world! 🎁
How in the world did I miss this post?! Oh my goodness, the blessings and curse of being an empath and HSP. I’ve come to realise this year that protecting my energy and how much I allow in from others – in the form of their energies – is so important. You’re not taught this kind of thing at school. Journalling is definitely helpful and so is meditating. I need to try this shielding you mention… that sounds like it could be a huge game changer, especially at work. Thanks for these tips sweet fellow empath friend <3
Melanie – sweet friend! Hehe…a fellow empath!! I have often thought I’m HSP, too, but I’m not entirely sure if I am…I just know that I am sensitive – so sensitive – to the energies of others and I prefer working in the dark. Hehe. I like soft lighting and I am well aware of noisy places when I’m trying to work…whewee!
As for shielding – yes! I feel like this is so grounding for me. It helps me so, so much. 🙂 And so many things are not taught at regular school. I wish that personal development and life strategies like this were taught…if only I knew then what I knew now. lol.
If you try the shielding thing, let me know. I’d love to see how it goes for you. Sending you the biggest hugs, sweet friend! xoxo