I Have Not Failed; I’ve Jumpstarted an Intentional Existence
Friends, it is almost time to conclude this project.
If I am honest, I will say it hasn’t been an easy journey. In fact, in February, I nearly faltered altogether: I got the flu a second time (when I haven’t gotten it in years until this season!), and so missed a couple LIFE days, and didn’t finish reading the book I’d assigned myself.
I actually meditated every day, but forgot to set my timer one day as I was in a different setting.
I missed four actual days of walking. On that first day you see with “no steps” – I actually got 10K, but my watch lost all the data that day, and I have no idea why. It also registered “0” sleep hours that day and trust me, I got PLENTY of sleep – it was right as I was getting ill. The first day somehow never tracks (another watch quirk?) and I just noticed that the 28th isn’t on there. That leaves me doing something like this: 🤔
With the lack of being able to walk, that puts me at 6 LIFE days that I have used: over the course of the year, I’ve missed a total of 30 days of walking (a LIFE day is made up of five components – meditation, mantras, journaling, affirmations, 10K steps but if I completed everything except walking, then I considered it one-fifth of a day).
Eleven months of 10,000 steps a day, 1 hour of meditation a day, reciting mantras, affirmations, journaling, reading a book of the month, and carrying out tasks for the theme of the month – I have been a busy hummingbird.
Somewhere in February I knew I needed to cut back and rest. I only wrote 14 “love notes” and didn’t give one to a stranger like I thought I would.
I haven’t been journaling as much lately.
These are intentions that I haven’t quite fulfilled. So…perhaps it is a total of 10 LIFE days after all is said and done – I’m not really sure.
I’ve reflected a lot about this. Reflected at the idea of pushing myself, setting high intentions and doing everything in my power to carry them out.
And yet.
And yet I didn’t quite meet my own expectations here.
I don’t see this as a failure. I don’t see this as me not being able to complete projects. I see it as a means to jump-start the intentional life I want to live.
This project has done that. I published two books. I started a video channel. I traveled to 15 states, visited sacred places, and wrote well over a hundred thousand words in my journals. I’ve spent hundreds of hours meditating – nearly 365 hours. Hundreds of hours walking and getting steps – nearly 3,300,000 of them! All in an effort to hone my mind, heart, body and spirit.
I have gone from full time to part time work so that I can really work on this website, my meditation practice, my artwork, writing and spreading light.
In this I have succeeded.
March Is a Month of Reflection
For the month of March, I aimed for it to be a reflection. I will still carry out the steps, and meditation, but in order to get started with other things that have been on the back burner since the project started, I will now begin to shift my focus to those.
I am no longer sure if I will turn this journey into an actual book. I’ve thought time and again about publishing some of my journal entries as I’ve gone through the project. Perhaps I will make that a free resource here on the website.
I had also thought that I would publish a total of five books during the course of this year. I have published two, as I said. However, I have been working on another mandala coloring book as I’ve been able. In addition, I continue to write daily haikus which, when I have 365 of them (I have around 250 right now), I will compile them into a book that will also be a free resource on this site. (I don’t feel right about creating a book to sell because all the images are through creative commons sources and even though I could create a book to sell commercially, I don’t think that would be good karma – so many others have contributed to my work in that way, that it has been a community effort and want to offer my haikus to the world community to enjoy, as well. They will be “copyleft.”) Lastly, if I do create a book out of my journal entries, that will be the 5th book as a result of this project.
Five books. But created outside the time parameters of this project. Not bad, I say. Better late than never. 🤪
Interestingly, the haikus were not an original part of this project. I just knew that I wanted to spread light in a way that was different and fun on social media. I first started just publishing haikus that were text only. But then I realized that folks respond to images more than they do text. So, I found a couple sites that allowed me to quickly put an image to my haikus.
Those haikus. They have become a part of my daily practice. To hone my thoughts in a mindful way each morning has become a powerful exercise.
A Different Focus – Meditation Certification
But, for the rest of this project, I have some other things on the horizon.
First, I have wanted to teach about meditation for a long while. In fact, that was one of my intentions when I started this website. I wanted to get certified, to eventually create a series of videos, or maybe some sort of online course, to encourage people to go within. To find their peace. To encourage their spiritual journey.
I feel this calling stronger than ever now.
Soon I will enroll in a course that will allow me to complete 150 hours of self-paced training through reading, exercises and collaborating with a meditation instructor. I will finish my training (hopefully in July, 2018!) by spending a week in Sedona, Arizona for 8 days to complete and obtain my credentials. After I have completed everything, I will have had a 200-hour course under my belt.
This is another step in this unfolding journey of mine. Perhaps down the line is spiritual coaching, and pairing all this with tai chi or yoga, but one thing at a time.
Indeed, it’s taken me awhile to save up the money needed for this course. But I can’t wait: it’s a secular training course that pulls from many traditions around the globe. Right up my alley.
Flash Fiction and Writing
I journal when my heart tells me to. It has been a challenge to journal every single day. Some days I find it hard to write 250 words. The majority of the time, however, my journal entries were well over 500, and sometimes up to 4,000 words at once.
That’s why even though I haven’t journaled much in the past two weeks, I consider those word counts to more than cover the days that I don’t.
That said, I want to shift my focus to creating more flash fiction stories – all with some sort of theme. I have found that I love writing these micro-stories. I’m coming to the realization that perhaps I might not have a novel-length story in me (at least not right now) , but I sure have a lot of short ones.
I need to pay attention to that.
I have so much fun writing my flash fiction stories that I’ve thought about compiling them into a book. For now, I’m enjoying the process and seeing what happens.
And that’s just it. This is all about doing what feels right, acting with intention, allowing myself to shift focus if I need, and spreading love and light.
Y’all, I want to inspire. I want to be a light to others. In this way, we can all become our own light. And light up the world that still has so much darkness.
Retreats
This is something I’ve also wanted to do. I do not yet know what this looks like or if it will come to fruition, but after I am certified in teaching meditation to others, I hope to create retreats that incorporate writing, journaling, mandala-making, and meditation.
In the meditation certification course I will be taking, I will learn about creating mindfulness retreats as part of my certification.
I can’t wait to share this journey with you.
So now in March, I will continue with the last part of my LIFE Project: still getting steps, meditating each day, journaling when I can, and still reciting my mantras and affirmations. I had originally thought I’d read the Tao Te Ching as a final reflection, but I will replace it with all the meditation materials I will be reading and studying.
With the end of one journey, another begins..
I am content with what I have accomplished so far. I had certain intentions and things might have turned out a little differently than when I began, but the idea was to propel myself in an intentional direction. 😍
Dear Cynthia,
You teach me to be both honest and loving to myself through your inspirational example.
I have not read of one failure in your journey – instead opportunities to get to know yourself better.
I’m looking forward to seeing where the next leg of your journey takes you…
Happy Monday and much love, Maria
Sweet Maria – thank you for your sweet words – as always. I love how you share what you learn from this – your beautiful spirit lights my path! You have such wisdom and caring, sweet friend. You’ve been an incredible supporter on this journey and I thank you. I have had so many opportunities on this journey to delve inside and learn about myself and it has been glorious. 🙂 Sending you big hugs and wishes for a fantastic week ahead. xo
Aw, Cyndi I hope you are feeling better. And feel awful hearing you had the flu two times this season already. It sounds like to me even though you didn’t do maybe as much as you originally set out to do that you did do more in ways you didn’t expect. Plus, you my friend are a true inspiration to us all. So that in my eyes is the real accomplishment. Hugs and Happy Monday now!! xoxo <3
Janine – thanks, sweet friend. You know, it took forever to feel completely normal again, but I feel great – thank you! 🙂 And you’re absolutely right – for this project, I did more in ways I didn’t expect. It’s been quite the journey and it’s not over yet. LOL. Thank you also for your inspiration in the blogging community: for your support, your wonderful comments and sweet hugs! Thank you, thank you for all that you do! Sending you hugs and wishes for a great week!
I’m glad you mentioned, right at the beginning, that you did not fail, Lil Sis! You shine as a person who is not afraid to try new things and reach for new goals and experiences. I love that about you. So many people are not even willing to try, or are afraid to try, but not my Lil Sis! She is a Creative Doer!
hugs,
Big Bro
Big Bro – hehe, you know I feel like I was aiming for the moon and landed among the stars, so to speak. It’s not a bad place to be. 😀 Thank you for your wisdom – always. I try to spread love and light wherever I can. And your words – your wisdom here, and your encouragement – means the world to me. You see, I regard you as a great teacher and mentor. You have incredible life experiences and hard-won wisdom that really has the power to change lives. You are a light, Big Bro. Here’s to both of us being Creative Doers! Hugs!
You truly are an inspiration in all that you have achieved, you should be well pleased of your achievements and allowances certainly can be made for missed steps and not reading all you promised yourself.
And no you certainly did not fail..
I am just over awed by the steps you set out to achieve that you accomplished so much.
Remember too it is well to be driven, but it also is not a race.. And pacing oneself like the runner who does a marathon is essential in all we do. 🙂
So It pleased me to see you were content in your accomplishments so far and I so admire you for your focus upon your intentions to be fulfilled.. This focus and drive sees you through much more than I could achieve.
And I love the ideas of the sharing, ‘good karma’ with your wonderful short poems and inspiring verses. While I have not seen the many you have posted upon your other social media outlets, the ones you have shared here have been beautifully presented Cynthia.
You Flash Fiction has been inspiring and so well written I have enjoyed your short stories.. Now a book of a collection of short stories would not go amiss.. And you could categorise them into various themes of chapters, which is what I am attempting to do with my poems, as I add a little background information as to my own story at the beginning of each chapter I weave a poem in between and then my idea is to put the collection of poems with the heading of each chapter theme to the end of the book with more added poems..
See how our ideas bounce off one another, though at the rate I write, I doubt I will be published by next year let alone create five Lol. 🙂
I know your Meditation accreditation will be completed I see you heading in that direction of inspiring others both by these means and your art. A beautiful combination.
Wishing you a beautiful day, I also left you a long comment over at my post roar as our thoughts mingle..
Love and Hugs and have a great week..
🙂 <3 <3 <3
Sweet Sue – your comments are so incredible! I will respond to them both in equal measure. I am out of time for today, but I will respond in the near future: you’ve given me much to think about. In the meantime, may you be well and walk in the light. Sending you hugs!
Sue – Whew. I am still working on my steps and meditating and all that, but I certainly put a tall order in for myself. You’re right: it’s not a race. I really just wanted to be accountable to the world to make sure I followed through on as much as possible. I knew – at least on some level – that achieving all that I set out to do was probably not going to happen. Remember that marathon? Haha…but perhaps in the coming year. 🙃 Hehe.
I get that “drive” from my parents: they are in their 80s and STILL working. As long as I’ve known them, they’ve worked multiple jobs and accomplished much by sending all of us to private school and getting us everything we needed. I admit, I don’t have THAT kind of drive, but the need to challenge myself and push my own limits? Oh, that’s my specialty. HAHA.
I thought long and hard about sharing my haikus. Those are my work but the images I have found to put with them…I recognize that all the folks who put time and effort into those images – even if they released them into creative commons – I just wouldn’t feel right charing for a book – even though I’d be allowed to. I just want to make inspiration available to the world, just as they did. 🙂
As for the flash fiction, the writing muse is calling. I am wanting to get up in the mornings and spend some time just writing creatively. And then spend the evenings drawing mandalas. HA! I love your ideas! Categorizing into themes, chapters, a little background information…oh, you have my mind spinning. 😀 I CANNOT WAIT to see what you’re coming up with as far as poems. I don’t own many poetry books but yours would have a place of honor in my book collection. 🙂
Your ideas! Oh goodness. You should see the smile on my face just now. 😀 Weaving poems, telling stories. And you’re an incredible writer. All in good time. All in good time.
As for meditation, creativity, writing and art…something’s telling me that I must do this. It’s almost “irrational” – I was just offered a full time position at school and I turned it down. There’s something telling me that I must pursue this no matter what. It would have been easier to just do that – getting benefits like health insurance and such – but I wouldn’t have time to do this blog, the mandalas, AND study the meditation stuff. So, I said no. Scary. But I have a little faith. 🙂
I hope you’ve had a beautiful Tuesday. Wish you a wonderful rest of your week, filled with love and light. Thank you – truly – for your incredible responses. I treasure them. 🙂
Hi Cynthia. I love how intentional and mindfully you live. I hope you’re on the mend with your health. I like the sound of your new focuses on teaching meditation and trying some new writing directions like flash fiction. May your year be one of living with peace and joy along with your intentions.
Brad – thank you for your awesome comments and thoughts. Yes, feeling great now. Whew that flu though…it does knock you out for a couple weeks. I am really looking forward to the meditation course and doing more writing. I have put a lot of time and energy into this project, but I am ready to move on to other things. 🙂 And may YOU have much peace and joy in your endeavors. Keep spreading the light. 🙂
Thank you Cynthia.
Thank you as well, Brad. Have a great week!
Aaaah, reading your posts always makes me feel peaceful and capable of doing just about anything! I’ve loved following your life project journey this past year – you’ve accomplished SO MANY things!! Just seeing how dedicated you’ve been to this craft and developing in all areas of your life has inspired me to take on my own challenge… though it definitely won’t be for a year! Congrats sweet friend, you’ve inspired so many of us to push that little bit extra and dig deep to see just how much we’re capable of. I know I’m going to push with the daily walks and start up my meditation practice again. Keep inspiring and doing you! oxo
Sweet Melanie! Thank you for your thoughtful words! I’m glad you feel like you can do anything, BECAUSE YOU CAN! Hehe. This LIFE project has challenged me on so many levels. Though I didn’t fulfill all my intentions, it doesn’t mean that I never will or that I can’t: just that it might take awhile. I still have that walking marathon in my mind. 🙂
I can’t wait to see what your own challenge will be. You have already taken on the vegan challenge and I’m impressed.
Thank you for your encouraging words. You really are a gem and so dear to my heart. Can’t wait to see all the wonderful things you’re going to do this year! xoxo
I am quite impressed with all your accomplishments.I have been working on NOT pushing myself so hard and be content with what the day brings. Total opposite. But staying mindful is on both of our agendas. 🙂 Flu twice in one season is just not fair or nice. I hope you achieve all your desires.
Marlene – you’ve got it right: not pushing ourselves and being content with what the day brings is something that this project has made me appreciate. Staying mindful is always on my mind, but I am equally impressed by your poise and wisdom.
Hehe, getting the flu twice is not fair, lol. And my dentist the other day was like, “what happened!?” Eating cough drops and being delirious don’t make for a perfect “brushing my teeth regimen,” hehe, but I’m getting back on track with that, too.
I hope that you’re feeling better and that you’re doing all the things that make you happy! Sending you hugs!
I’ve learned all this the hard way, of course. I’m as good as I can be and doing what makes me happy and not doing what doesn’t feel right at the moment. Thanks for the hugs. They are appreciated and returned 10 fold. 🙂
I have to come back here to send a reply. Doesn’t seem to work when I do it from my comments feed. Interesting.
10-fold hugs! Thank you! Hehe. And the commenting thing isn’t you: it’s my site. I’ve gone around and around with WP trying to get that resolved and no one seems to know nuthin’. Been going on since I started the blog and have been working on it since then. I’m getting ready to change themes (when I get a chunk of time) and I’m hoping that might help, but…I dunno…
I think it’s never a mistake to try for what you feel is important in life and you’ve certainly tried – and keep trying – with this project! It is a huge chunk that you sought to reach and I commend you for meditating every day, as well as your other achievements. Please don’t beat yourself up over not finished the book you assigned yourself or anything else as you’re a warrior and some things take longer to achieve than we thought. I believe you are amazing and hope you believe it too xo Love you!
Sweet Christy – thank you for your sweet words and wisdom. Yes, I intentionally put many, many things into this project. I was going for the “aim high, because even if you don’t reach the moon, you’ll land among the stars” idea. Hehe. I’ve accomplished a lot. And I’m ready to move on. But, it’s all been pretty incredible. If you say I’m a warrior, then you are one, too. Your incredible light has touched so many. May we all continue to walk in the path of light, to do our part to help the world. 🌍🌍🌍