Loving Kindness Meditation

Loving Kindness is one of my favorite types of meditation and I personally do it often. I always emerge with a feeling of love. I’ve been meaning to create this guided meditation for awhile: my friend Maria over at Marcoujor had requested it and I’d been waiting for an opportunity to create it.

Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM) involves “universal love”  – something magical happens to your heart when you do this type of meditation.

This meditation works. It has helped me change relationships with difficult coworkers, with members of my family, and more. I feel more loving and more receptive to their points of view, even if I don’t necessarily agree. 

To that end, I wanted to share a bit of the history and a few of the benefits of doing LKM. I created a Loving Kindness Guided Meditation as well, should you want to try it (see script/video in this post).

Metta Meditation – Where did it come from and what does it mean?

Loving Kindness has its roots in the Buddhist tradition, but it can be practiced as a secular meditation – which is what I do when I teach it to others. The word “metta” means love or kindness in the Pali language. Its translation then is “loving kindness” in English. People familiar with the practice also call it “metta meditation.” 

This type of meditation does not focus on the breath, but rather, you concentrate on specific elements of love and kindness toward yourself and others. Because of this, it invokes every human’s capacity for self-love and empathy. Sometimes it can be difficult to practice LKM: the whole premise is that you send love and kindness to yourself, to those you love and to those you don’t like or who have angered you. And yet, it changes you to do so. You tap into the field of universal love. It is a powerful force. 

The Buddha himself practiced this meditation as a way to develop self love, as well as altruism and goodwill toward others. In fact, Loving Kindness develops four behavioral characteristics: friendliness, joy, compassion and equanimity (or mental calmness). 

Love and Kindness Meditation Benefits

Practicing metta has many benefits and some are quite surprising. 

Helps with migraines and chronic pain

The list of physical benefits is impressive. Loving Kindness helps with migraine headaches. In fact, one scientific study, “Meditation-based treatment yielding immediate relief for meditation-naive migraineurs” reported a 33% drop in pain symptoms after just one Loving Kindness meditation. Because of its pain-relieving effects, LKM helps to reduce chronic pain for those who suffer from it. It seems to work especially well for those with lower back pain.

Reduces the effects of aging and physical illness

In addition, just as meditation can help slow the effects of aging, LKM also helps slow the aging process. Still, other benefits include greater volume of brain matter, especially in the pre-frontal cortex, a reduced stress response, it helps to alleviate PTSD, reduces inflammation, as well as reduces symptoms of schizophrenia. 

Emotional benefits

Emotional benefits abound with LKM, as well. It helps promote healthier relationships, ease symptoms of depression, and helps you adopt a more positive thinking mindset. It increases resilience to positive and negative events, helping a person return to a stable “normal” sooner. This meditation instills a greater sense of life satisfaction as well as a greater appreciation for life itself. In addition, you become more likely to “put yourself in someone else’s shoes” and understand their perspective. In a world that seems so divided these days, this type of meditation can really help sew the seeds of peace.

Mental benefits

Due to increased brain matter, you become more focused, efficient and better-able to make decisions. With your physical ability to have a reduced stress response, you are able to think more clearly in all of life’s situations. You experience more mental clarity in general. You also experience decreased bias and attachment to things – to greed. Perhaps one of the greatest mental benefits is that you feel more self-love. Indeed, I have witnessed too many people in my time who have a lack of self-love and all I want to do is send loving kindness to them and a wish for them to practice it themselves. 

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.’

–Dalai Lama

Before doing metta meditation

LKM generally involves stating three short statements (of course this can vary) that invoke love, compassion, empathy or kindness to oneself and to others. You can look at the script below to see which phrases I use for the guided meditation.

Some phrases you can try:

• may you feel peace
• may you feel loved
• may you be free from suffering or pain
• may you be safe
• may you experience hope
• may you let go of anger
• may you experience abundance in health
• may you be happy
• may you experience abundance in love, life and fulfillment
• may your heart be filled with love and kindness

Before beginning your meditation, it’s a good idea to choose what phrases you’ll use, and to whom you will direct the energy of your love and kindness. You will always include yourself, but then you want to include someone you love (whether it’s someone close to you, a family member or a pet), someone for whom you have neutral feelings (typically someone you’re familiar with but don’t know well enough to have any opinions on the person), someone with whom you have difficulties (such as a difficult coworker, or someone who has angered you), and then you’ll expand this love and kindness to your community, country, and the world.

A loving kindness meditation need not be long. You can make the practice longer if you’d like, but as little as 5-10 minutes a day can really give you a lot of benefit. The loving kindness practice I do in the video is about 15 minutes long. You can do it once a day, twice a day, or as often as you need.

Loving Kindness Guided Meditation

Introduction

As you begin this practice, make sure you won’t be disturbed. 

You may sit in a chair with your feet flat on the floor, or on a cushion – wherever you may be comfortable. Just be sure the position you find is one that you can maintain long enough for this meditation. Be kind to yourself. If you find that you need to shift, do so with mindfulness and calm. 

When you meditate, it’s okay to have thoughts – they will come! Welcome them. Meditation shouldn’t be a strain. Don’t try too hard. Just bring your gentle, nonjudgmental attention back to this meditation when you find your thoughts have taken you somewhere else. 

Let go of expectations. You have come to your chair or cushion. Let yourself settle into this practice to benefit from this time of calm and silence. Once you begin this meditation, stick with it until the end. 

Beginning the meditation

Close your eyes, or cap them halfway, with a soft, unfocused gaze. 

Bring your awareness to the breath. Notice the rise and fall of the chest, the natural rhythm of breathing. Sit with the breath for a few moments.

If you find your thoughts wandering, gently come back to this loving kindness  meditation. Thoughts are okay. Let them come. Welcome them. Gently let them go by coming back to this meditation. Be kind to yourself. 

Now, take two or three deep yawns. You can “fake yawn” until one comes on. 

Bring your attention back to the breath. Notice the natural rhythm of your breathing. 

Breathe in, deeply, first into your belly and then into your chest. Inhale as much as you can. 

Slowly begin to release the air, starting with your chest, then your belly. Do this for two more breaths.

Scan your body to relax

Bring your attention to your scalp. Mentally relax all the muscles surrounding your head. Move to your left ear and your right ear and do the same. 

Bring your awareness to your forehead and relax it, followed by your eye brows, eyes, and nose. 

Soften your cheeks, lips, and jaw. 

Bring our attention to your throat. Relax the front and move your awareness to the back and do the same. 

Now, move your awareness to your shoulders. Toward the front, relax the muscles surrounding your collarbone, and the sides where your shoulders join with your arms. Move to your back, where your shoulder blades reside. Relax and soften all the muscles in that area.

Soften the muscles that make up your upper arms, your forearms, hands, and fingers.

Relax all the muscles in your torso – those around the ribcage, the belly, lower abdomen, and now the back of your ribcage down to your lower back. 

Soften the muscles around your thighs, knees, and lower legs. Move to the ankles, feet and toes.

Scan over your whole body, noticing any sensations you may have. Allow your whole being to relax into this meditation.

Think of someone close to you

Now, bring to your awareness someone close to you. This could be a partner, a friend, a family member, even a pet. You might see an image of this beautiful being, or you may think of their name. Offer this being love and kindness. Silently repeat the following phrases:

May you feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May you be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May you feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Think of a neutral person

Now think of someone you have just met or do not know well. This could be someone at the grocery store, at the post office, a bank, or other such place. Offer love and kindness to this person. Silently whisper the phrases:

May you feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May you be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May you feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Think of someone with whom you have difficulty

Feel this loving energy growing in your heart. Bring your awareness to a person in your life with whom you experience some difficulty. This could be a family member, a co-worker, a friend, or anyone in your life with whom you’d like to improve your relationship.

Send them love and kindness. Silently repeat the following phrases:

May you feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May you be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May you feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Think of your community

With the love that is in your heart, continue to expand this beautiful energy. Think of the community in which you live, and all the Beings who live there. Send all of them love and kindness.

May you feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May you be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May you feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Expand your love

Continue sending love and kindness out to the world. Think of the country in which you live. Send your love and kind energy to all its people:

May you all feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May you all be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May you all feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Send love to the world

Now, send this vibrant energy to the entire world: to every Being, to every continent. Silently repeat the phrases:

May all feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May all be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May all feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Practice on yourself

As your heart is full of love, and kindness, direct these thoughts toward yourself. You are an incredible Being. Silently repeat the phrases:

May I feel loved. 

(Repeat)

May I be free from suffering. 

(Repeat)

May I feel peace. 

(Repeat)

Allow yourself to breathe in, and breathe out this love and kindness for a few moments. 

Concluding the meditation

Keep your eyes closed or capped as you near the end of this meditation. 

It’s important to come out of meditation slowly.

Bring your awareness back to the breath. Allow yourself to feel the in and out rhythm of the rise and fall of the breath.

On your next inhale, allow the fingers and toes to wiggle if you wish.

When you’re ready, open your eyes with a soft downward gaze. Keep your focus inward. 

Open your eyes fully as you’re ready. You may return to your day.

Resources:

11 Benefits of Loving-Friendliness Mediation
Small Amounts of Loving-Kindness Meditation Lead to Big Change
The Benefits of Loving Kindness
Loving-Kindness Meditation
Psychology of Love: 7 Benefits of Loving-Kindness Meditation
Scientific Buddhist: Ten Benefits of Compassion
18 Science-backed Reasons to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation